Sometimes you're on top of the world. Other times
you're in the gutter. You're all the time the same person.
Why the ups and downs?
Why do the 'peak' moments never seem to last as
long as the gutter moments?
Hood
It's all in how you select to function.
For most of my life, I functioned as a victim. Why?
1. I used it to join together with other people.
"Did I tell you what happened to me?"
Basically, it was a way to belong. To get love. To
connect.
You know the saying: "Selling is a transference of
feeling"? Well, that's how I used victimhood. I wanted
you to know how I'm feeling.
I wanted to replacement *my* feelings to *you*!
2. I used it to avoid responsibility.
Choices and decisions; taking a stand; being in charge:
it all seems so scary.
"I don't want to be responsible!"
Better to let circumstances tell me what to do. Can't
make a mistake if I don't do anything!
"After all, I'm a victim. I can't be responsible for what
happens in my life."
3. It became my identity. A way of life. A state of
being. A state of existence. And I grew to like it.
"I don't know who I'd be if I weren't a victim."
It was familiar. It gave me 'comfort'. Because I
didn't see the damage it was doing. I didn't know
it shut out the love I was so desperately seeking.
See, I wasn't trying to destroy the world by being
a victim.
But if I can get you to feel sorry for me...
If I can just get you to take care of me...
Is that a crime?
I took the main coping skill of a child and used it as
a grown-up in a grown-up world. Being a victim is
kind of like sucking your thumb. There's no law
against it, but still it doesn't look very nice.
I concept it was the 'best', the 'safest', the 'smartest'
option for living life. I was very motivated to be a
victim.
It was the 'default' selection:
"When in doubt, function as a victim."
How Functions Work
A 'function' is like a soda machine. You put something
in - and it all the time gives you something back out. You
put in your money and you get out a diet soda. That's
a function.
A function works like this:
Input ---> Function ---> Output
My input: the events that happened in my life.
My function: how I interpreted those events.
My output: how I would think and feel and act.
So if I function as a victim, I will take any event -
good or bad - and make it into something that
supports my victimhood.
Some citizen perceive horribly painful events in
their lives, and turn them into something challenging
and uplifting. Lemons into lemonade.
An covering observer might see them as a victim;
but they don't see themselves that way. Or if they
do feel like a victim, it doesn't last.
Everybody will perceive tragedy at one time or
another. But not everybody will function as a victim.
What about you?
Traps Of Victimhood
1. citizen who function as a victim end up creating a
victim reality. The world assuredly does conform to their
wishes! The more you feel like a victim, the more you
become a victim. You have a tendency to keep
sinking deeper and deeper.
2. Just as citizen tend to avoid victims, if you're a
victim you'll tend to avoid *yourself*. You'll tend to
avoid your 'realness'. through pity, judgments, blame,
righteousness, etc.
It separates you from yourself. disunion leads to
pain. Thus, victimhood becomes a pain factory.
Victimhood is a trap. Most will never escape. Because
there's nothing to grab hold of. It's like being in a mud
pit. Or a swamp.
The problem is, victimhood sucks you in and it holds
on tight. You start believing the lie: "You assuredly are a
victim, and you'll all the time be a victim. There's nothing
you can do."
You come to be a victim to your own victimhood.
The Way Out
You've got to first eye your current motivation for
functioning as a victim. Why is it so alluring? Why is
it okay? Why does it seem to be the best option? What
are you secretly getting out of victimhood? What do
you not want to admit about it?
Tell yourself the truth. No one else needs to hear.
(They probably already know, anyway!)
Then, you've got to find a stronger motivation to be
the opposite. What's the opposite of a victim?
A fully-functioning human being. You can put various
labels on it: winner, leader, etc.
But you need to find the label that makes the most
sense to you.
I found my label. It marvelous me well. More importantly,
it motivated me strongly; more than anyone else
would. It helped me originate new neurological pathways
in my brain.
But it might not be the right one for you.
The trick is to have an image - a foresight - of something
that represents the exact opposite of a victim. And to
make it more alluring, more attractive, than the image
of a victim.
You need to find *your* image. Your label. Your
vision.
What gets you excited? More than anyone else?
What puts a smile on your face when you think about
it?
Find your own unique image, and hold on to it for
dear life! Make it real. Place it in your heart. Feed
it so it grows stronger. Spend time daydreaming
about it.
It sure beats the heck out of sucking your thumb!
Overcoming Victimhood
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